I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
