I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
