Pants 0. Shit 1.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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