That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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