He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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