What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
