I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
