Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
