he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
