i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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