dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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