White coat. Heels.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
