She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
