I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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