I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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