i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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