Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
