I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
