yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
