I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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