We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
