i permit you to call me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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