Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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