you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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