God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
