Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
