Nicole vs. Life
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
