I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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