I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
