fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
