Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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