you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
