Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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