Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
