Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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