I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
