is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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