Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
