So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
