So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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