I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
