dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
