Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
