i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
