I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
