Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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