So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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