There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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