I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
