you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
