he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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