so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
