"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
